Commentary on the Oscars

I think I might do a running commentary on the Oscars. Because I have a sad and pathetic life and have no one to share my witicisms with. It's not like anyone is reading this anyways.

Amy Adams is a really good singer. I liked her in Drop Dead Gorgeous. Great movie.

Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta-Jones are kind of cute together. That may be even creepier.

Why is The Rock on the Oscars? He's presenting best action something or other (best visual effects) and I got nothing against the guy but...The Rock?

What's up with all of the Hollywood pregnancies (Cate Blanchett is on)? Sometimes, I swear the timing of the writer's strike was on purpose. All of the movies would have had to shut down anyways.

I just laughed out loud at a Jon Stewart joke (about Cate Blanchett but in a very good way). I'm feeling optimistic about the show.

I love watching the audiences' faces.

Oh, Jennifer Hudson, didn't you just win the Oscar last year? What happened to your acting? Okay, Best Supporting Actor, okay was rooting for Javier but would also most definitely have sex with Casey Affleck. He has always been my Affleck of choice. Please do not let Hal Holbrook win. Definitely no sex with him. But his wife, Dixie Carter, is looking great.

Javier wins. They all knew it. Game faces didn't even need to be on.

Did they really just have a montage to binoculars? Oh, okay, this is part of a larger joke. It's alright.

Another song. At least the singers are good. The little girl is wicked. I have always wished that I could sing like a black woman.

Owen Wilson is looking rested and tan. Best short film might be an option for me as well. Hey, I actually understood some of the french that guy said in his acceptance speech. Maybe some of my brain cells are still left.

Okay, a montage to the bee. Weird, but strangely appropriate with the hive crisis, so again, it's okay.

What is up with John Travolta's hair? Is it sprayed on? Say it ain't so.

Tilda Swinton gave an atypical speech. I liked it. Funny, very irreverent, and thanked the key players. Pleasantly surprising.

Second out loud laugh.

Oh, Josh Brolin & James McAvoy, would have sex with both of them.

Best Adapted Screenplay to the Coens. While I would not have sex with either of them, I do love their movies and thus am kind of rooting for them. Plus, really loved The Road. And, good short acceptance speeches. I think it's going to be a No Country night.

No... the sound guy lost again. 20 times in a row. When will they give him the award? Can you imagine.

Upset, upset. The french woman won for Best Actress. Youth over sentimentality. What is going on with the Academy? She was cute though. She totally didn't expect it.

Colin Farrell. I don't think I need to say it, do I? I am a sucker for an accent that's for sure. I actually like this song. It's the one from the Irish movie, Once. I am a fan. And I would have sex with the guitar/singer (although only if he broke up with the piano/singer apparantly they fell in love on the set and I would never want to get in the way of that). And they actually wrote the song! I am totally rooting for them over the Disney songs.

I would not have sex with Jack Nicholson, I don't think.

Roderick James (the alias of the Coen brothers') didn't win for Film Editing. They showed a picture of an old farmer in the 20's. I thought it was clever.

I love what Nicole Kidman is wearing. She's pregnant too by the way. It suits her.

It must actually be really hard to be nominated and in the audience. You always have to be 'on' because the camera could flash to you at any moment. Luckily they never flash to the writers so I should hopefully be safe from embarrassment.

And now Patrick Dempsey. Proof that time invested in skinny geeks can be well worth it.

There are more good looking men on this show that pregnant actresses. It's unbelievable. Of course it's been quite awhile since I last had sex but anyways. Because I would have sex with the singer of this crappy Disney song as well.

John, the hair. No, it is not good. Yeah, the cute couple won for the song that was actually good. And sexy, fabulous accent man wins.

And now Jon Stewart just let the girl come back out and say something because she didn't get a chance. I am loving this Oscars, I tell ya, it's warming the 'ol heart.

I got tired and stopped writing but I'll sum up the rest...
Best Oscars ever. Jon Stewart, excellent job. I laughed and was not annoyed. All people who won, excellent speeches. And the Coen brothers took it all.